After much deliberation and thoughtful consideration, and consultation with associations across the nations, I/we have reached the conclusion that the newspaper of discerning individuals is indeed The Times.  Bravo, we salute you.

 

No, no, no.  The reason Jaguar is tottering is not because of a 'tough market' or any other excuse-making nonsense.  No one, or not enough people, are buying Jags because they don't want to.  And there's no one to blame except yerself.

 

Let's break down where it all went wrong....

 

The F-Type.  If I think about this too much I'll end up screaming bloody murder and rip the sink off the wall.  Response from the public was phenomenal.  The design was simple, meaning less to go wrong and likely fewer costs in construction.

 

Why was the F-Type - positioned in the lucrative 911 market and with the potential to re-vamp Jag's recently staid reputation - given the chop?  For a diesel.  Now, a very nice diesel it is, but since when did anyone buy a luxury/sport car for economic practicality?

 

And what did they drop this diesel vunderklanger in?  The S-Type.  Even I, who can almost tolerate the S-Type, wouldn't in a million years buy one, and you'd have to tack on an extra millenium or two before I'd even give the diesel version a second glance.

 

The last bitter laugh in this tragic comedy is the X-Type, a stupidly desperate name that perfectly summed up the openly desperate attempt this was to attract a younger audience.  Yet they got it all wrong.  A nice enough car, but it doesn't exactly move you.  When you compare to what the Germans offer it looks to lack the confidence.  To put the nail in the coffin, Ford/Jaguar decided to advertise it as a budget Jag.  Sinfully wrong.

 

Ford has been practical to the point of absurdity.  Until they realise that Jaguar will continue to be tronced around as a Ford in bling.

First, is that how you spell "superficial"?  I really couldn't be bothered to check.

 

 

You will probably have noticed to the left of this page, a list of fashion designer videos.  This very nicely prompts a number of different reactions.  You have your juvenille delinquints who wonder why P. Diddy's fashion line isn't listed; your very butch, desperately straight persons who find the whole fashion world to be a bit too nammy-pammy and effete, yet oddly prefer the 'healthier' pursuits of sweaty construction sites, or riding motorcycles clad in tight leather (all you'd need is an indian and a cop...); and then we have the absolutely unbearable morons who consider the workings of fashion or an interest in beautiful people to be nothing but superficial.

 

To be fair there is a degree of truth in all the above accusations.  There are aspects of the fashion world that are either gay, effete, feminine or snobbish.  But when you strip it down to it's purist form (unless you only accept form follows function as being 'pure') none of those even come into play.  We can dismiss all those faults quite easily.

 

Anyone with more than four brain cells can tell you that fashion and (cringe to even think of it) gay fashion are not even remotely related.  I personally consider the latter to be a perversion of what is otherwise an art just the same as music or painting.  Can anyone name a single gay fashion designer??  I suppose I could name one, maybe two, but even then I will only concede they are technically talented, but I wouldn't necessarily class them as good designers.

 

As for fashion being an effete or femine trade.  What rubbish.  The best designers are heterosexual males.  Perhaps one of best in recent years being Burberry's resident Yorkie.  And they don't come anymore salt-of-the-earth than Yorkshiremen.

 

Is fashion snobbish or elitist?  Yes, it can be.  But so can toaster ovens.  I should point out the difference between snobbery or gross elitism and exclusivity.  A Ferrari is exclusive -crafted in small numbers to an exacting specifications - it's when the wideboys, the gangsta rappers and the cocky stockbrokers run around flaunting the price tag or the badge (instead of enjoying the exquisite engineering) that the whole experience and reputation are soured.

 

In fact, I believe fashion on the whole to be the least elitist, the most democratic, of the arts.  You can find as much, perhaps even more, joy in $20 denim jeans than you would in a pair of Armani's going for $600.  Try finding that scale of economy/enjoyment in a car.  You'll see plenty of millionaires who'll kick about in Levi's and Dr. Marten's, but how many would drive a Daewoo Matiz, or even a Ford Focus?

 

The ridicule directed towards fashion - in general - could only come from an uneducated bigot.  :)

The perfect way to kill the bad news about the stadium is for Halifax to get into a good position on the tables with the next four matches.  Take 6 points off Accy boys, and another 4 points out of two matches - mint.  Very possible.  Put us right up in third I reckon.

 

 

THE FUTURE'S BRIGHT, IT'S BLUE AND WHITE!

Woke up with a strange desire to go out roofing.  Very strange.  I think I miss the sunshine and fresh air.

 

Instead I'll be spending the next 12 hours in a grey-white box, pushing various bits metal around on a table.  At least this will be the last time I miss meeting in Chippewa.  And it'll be the weekend tomorrow. 

 

 woo-hoo!

What a miserable week or so it's been.  Not to mention the unfathomably cold weather, the bill collectors, the flashing lights and buzzing sirens emitting from my dashboard signalling the ailing health of my car, but the absolute lowest point of it all is the fiascal surrounding my beloved htfc.

 

It's been a rough road ever since the rebuilding of the East Stand started.  Cue relegation, financial irregularities, shady businessmen, administration, and the halting of construction work on the stadium.  Now the latest guise of peril is in the form of the Shay possibly being sold to another party....the dreaded property developer.  On a more positive note, the gormless chavs that haunt the valley can now look forward to a shiny new supermarket where they can vomit up cider and hurl racist insults at unfortunate pensioner.

 

There's nowt for me to do about that, it's all gone political and is in the hands of the local councillors etc etc.  But it does stir the soul fighting back on the homefront.  Like a wounded dog it'll be "knives out, guns blaring" ...not that dogs use knives or guns, but you know, that's what it would/will be like.

 

So it's back in the ring, the wheels are in motion and by January I hope to be taking the fight to "them" in a big and - crucially - rather annoying way.

 

First line of action of course is to change the diet.  Cut down on the good-for-you pints and up the amount of eggs and toast and tea (two lumps of sugar please) consumed every day.  I'll hit the rowing machine again and won't let the mean kids at work make me cry.

And when I say cold weather I mean fingers fall off, lungs shatter and car explode in a supersonic flame of ice and snow cold.  I am inside and have been for the last 1hr 30 mins and i'm still shivering.  My car overheated - presumably because the coolant is frozen and the oil is low so it's probably just bare metal grinding against bare metal.  Actually there's probably nothing wrong mechanically, the electronics might just be destroyed by the sub-zero temperatures that have been covering my car the last 10 hours.

 

I'd move, but I spend so much heating my house I'll never save up enough.     :(

What a complete kick in the gut.    SHAY

Welcome back Dickie Ashcroft.  BREAK THE NIGHT WITH COLOUR

I'll bravely put aside the quandries I find myself in, and tune in to South Park.

 

As the angels of honky-tonk sing sweet hymns...

It hurts.  I need a pint and a good comedy.

Looking over the previous lists of M.B. Machines & Cars, one couldn't help but notice that all, with the exception of the trains and military vehicles, are virtually the reserve of the very wealthy.  Which is why this list (Most Beautiful Electronic/Appliances) is so refreshing.  It makes aesthetics more democratic.

 

1. Transistor Radio

2. Those black rotoray desk phones made so popular in the 50's & 60's

3. Ipod Nano

4. That flat screen television that can hang on your wall - from Philips I believe

5. Sony Ericsson t610 (bit of bias on my part, but it just ages so well)

6. Apple iMac

RIght, forgot about this.  Shortlist of the most beautiful machines.

 

In no particular order...

 

1. Mallard (train)

2. Bluenose (schooner)

3. HMS Hood (battlecruiser)

4. Rolls Royce Silver Ghost (car)

5. Bugatti Type 35B (car)

6. Bluebird K7 (jet-propelled hydroplane)

7. Concorde (supersonic jet)

8. Spitfire (fighter plane)

9. Shinkansen 0 Series (bullet train)

10. Jaguar E-Type (car)

Been looking over various SBA loan options today.  Looking at the amount of paperwork required by the 'easiest'  SBA Express application it's no wonder people borrow from the mafia instead.

For the sake of convenience I have indexed some of the best.  Will add more when I find time to.  However, can do nothing to get around the ad for INXS that intro's every video. :(

---

 

 

    Our kid Christopher (where's yer blue kit?)

 

    -Hey!  Daft Punk!

 

 

 

   Always been a bit of the odd ones; Mc Grath does a better job of painting ladies than that Leonardo fella.

---

 

 

 

   Eve?  Pharrel Williams?  Are L.V. trying to take the chav crown from Burb'ry?

My neighbor has boxed me in with his car, so I figured "whatever, I'm not going to work then."  Which means I'll be missing the 4 hours of country music I usually catch at work, which brings me to my next point.  Faith Hill's song Like We've Never Loved at All is top stuff.  Right up there with Dolly Parton's I Will Always Love You.

 

I am not being sarcastic.

I'm sitting here eating some generic sandwich cookies thinking "What's the deal?"  Why are there 2 rows of vanilla cookies and 1 row of chocolate cookies?  Do people actually prefer the vanilla cookies over chocolate ones?  and at a 2/1 ratio?

 

Or is there something more sinister lying under the surface...   I imagine there's some thoroughly racist tycoon sitting at his desk right now thinking "You may win everything in sports, but we dominate in sandwich cookies."

 

At best it's suspicious, at worst sickeningly offensive.  In the current social climate we should all realise that it's only acceptable to be racist against the French, the Canadians, and the Mexicans.

Feeling not at all too well the past 36 hours and with most of my various obligations taken care of, I've set about putting pen to paper and seeing exactly what sort of budget sports car would mix simplicity with elegance with sheer bugs in your face driving excitement.  

 

I've been left with two or three options plus a bagful of miscellaneous features to mull over.

 

 

1.  Lotus Seven or Vanhall. 

 

I can't for the life of me decide which body style to go with.  Both are classics to be sure.  The Seven would most likely be the easier to build and hold together, but the Vanhall style is so elegantly striking it's surely worth the extra 10 years and 20 grand it would take to construct it.

 

2.  Can I wedge a front engine with front wheel drive?  Ideally it would be front engine, power to the back.  But where am I going to get a 4 or 6 banger on the cheap, with standard transmission and rear-wheel drive?  Could scalp a Justy and make it all-wheel drive but that's just silly.

 

3.  How light can I make the frame?  I'm tempted to go with the cheaper and lighter tube shaped aluminium piping.  Electrical piping.  But I would hate to be toodling along one day and suddenly the sagging frame snaps and I go head over feet hurdling down the road.

 

4.  Wood dash, leather upholstry, wool carpets?  Or brushed aluminium dash and bare floor?  Shiny casing for the steering column?  The list goes on and on.

 

5.  If I cut my Golf to pieces will I regret it?  Yes it is front wheel drive, but if we give it a long nose i should be able to sneak it all in there.  Might need to add a few feet of piping to and from the radiator etc, but what a fantastic motor it would make.  Cheap, easy to work on, and I like the feel of it.  Yes the gears are dyslexic, and it must be getting onto its last leg in life.  But in a VW that could be another 20k miles.  And in a car that weighs 1/4 of the Golf it's taken from? Could last forever, and more importantly, should go like stink.  Or at least feel like it's going that fast.